sabar part of iman

Assalamualaikum,
dear all of you. lately, perasaan diri sendiri dah tak reti nak bendung, tak reti nak kawal. sikit sikit nak mengamuk. sikit sikit nak lempang orang. pfft! control control. once i feel to do so i keep talked to myself like this,

"fia, come on keep moving, control cun!"
"hye beautiful lady, why u keep put the blame on you, its not your fault what, cool down cool down!"

it's something like that. but not as exact as that lah. but it sounds soo. but in between being cool and that 'CONTROL AYU' sometimes, i can't pretend like i'm fine, because it was total lie. and for me, being hypocrite is not me at all. then, as usual i'm cried again and again. but now, there's no more that SOMEONE to ask me to stop from keep crying because there is no one here. for me, even i'm stuck in the middle of crowd, still! i can't feel that loneliness moving away. it was a BIG i-don't-know.

i'm not write this to express or to tell you guys everything but i need to let this off from my mind so i can keep moving vigorously and happily. *ape kebenda? okay fine! i don't get any point to write this post but i need to post something. have to!
oh btw, did i tell you guys about all the MAN i met here? like ayien, si faqruz, and all the london mates? of course i do. i've told you before so i do not want to repeat it. because it LAME, fine!

everything keep moving as what as i wish, but sometimes its slippery kot tu sebab macam tergelincir sebentar macam tu kan. but for me as i can keep smiling pretending like there's nothing happen, then Insyallah lah semua akan okay kot. because i'm COOL.!*again, that's how positive charge being recharged.

now! here, i'm declaring to guys semua that i'm not going to cry any more any time any longer any way, semua lah! because i'm cool and from keep crying and wasting my tears that are cost lots of money baik i buat kerja more berfaedah kan such as hah! Salawat upon the Prophet ke. it sounds comel right. so why not. other than the-crying-moment-plus-that-running-nose, okay what, plus pahala kan. :')
so insyallah, i should take this as a lesson, so i'm not going to waste anything, not wasting time tears and my teen's. then i'll be more matured and feel more secured to be here as a LADY, this is what i call a life, because i'm proud to call my own as a lady. because i am a lady.

so till the next post.

lots of love, fia.

mari hafal yassin lagi sekerat tu.